drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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