Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
