i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
