Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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