I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
