i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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