its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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