well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
