when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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