Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm both gender and math confused
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
