Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
