that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
