listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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