U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
