is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He shit in the fireplace
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
