Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
