If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
