she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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