living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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