Im at strip club and am horny
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
