..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
