perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
