Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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