are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
