Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
