Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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