tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
