well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
