dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You can't motorboat a personality
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
