my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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