You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
