well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
