She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
