I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
being pregnant is like rehab
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
