Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
