i don't like sucking hair
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
