i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
