My first STD was from a foam party
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
