he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
