it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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