Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
