Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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