Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
