Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
