he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
