omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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