i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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