theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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