We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
