ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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