Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
